Departure(s)

Counting down the days that pass me by, up to date, there's only 12 days left.

I'm still unable to picture him leaving because I choose not to. 

I'm not gonna lie, I will cry for him. It's getting harder day by day, seriously.

Seeing Zhi Kiat leaving today was difficult but it wasn't the worst. 

Seeing his family was more difficult.

Anyhow, we will always root for him.

I secretly do not want him to leave but that ain't gonna happen.

"Suez, he'll come back. Don't worry."

5 years, ain't 5 minutes. 

I don't know what will happen. 

I feel like I'm going to shatter, 

... 

ALL THE BEST TO YOU ALL! 

My sincere wishes! :)

BON VOYAGE!

If life's a bitch, then you're the bitch.

You gave me a reason to be angry with life. I'm doing all this due to respect. Thank you. Please appreciate while life gives you something back and when you don't think it's good, it will never be good, mind you. If nothing's gonna change, then be the change. Secretly, I'm hoping for a solitary successful peaceful life, one where enables me to travel around the world and not go home. :)

The weekend.

I do not know how else to feel or what to do best to regain my stamina and energy and I'm sure that this is all because of the sleepless nights I've been through.

Somehow rather when the weekend is approaching, I'm always sleep-deprived and most of the time, I won't regain my full energy yet and the beginning of the week is already starting again.

I'M EXHAUSTED.

Can I have some of this? Maybe forever this time.

And probably this after that? 

I'm guessing that this year, 

there are less times that I can be myself, because I'm more obliged to be the person I have to be.

TAKE ME BACK, when this is all overrr.

Zzz.

Green Day - 21 Guns [Cast Version] (Video)

♥

This time, more than I ever could.

This probably would be the weirdest thing I'm going to utter thus far, nevertheless, it's the only way I can use to describe the hollowness.

Albeit I've been sinking into these feelings, I need to remain a strong heart and a stronger mind for what that comes in the end, it all depends on me. I guess, no amount of time can ever be enough unless this is all over, i.e. if it ends in a blink of an eye. Probably I'm still waiting for the end and they say, if it's not the happy ending, then maybe it ain't the ending yet. I felt so foolish to only come to realize at this very moment, how much he meant to me and the importance of his existence.

THE SARCASTIC ME: You should just stop, thinking all the impossibles. You already know, that it won't happen, so why bother? Yeah, true. I should just... STOP.

It is time to get back to business and now it's all up to you, whether to ace it or flunk it.
There's so much going in my mind, every time I see him. Inside me, it's still screaming, "I don't want him to go."

FUCK YOU! Wake up & stop being so selfish! Just shut up and wish him all the very best.

Where's the silver lining to this?

Soon enough, I will have to utter a lot of goodbyes instead of good night.
Everything literally happens in a blink of an eye.
I've gotta learn that, "If it's meant to happen, it will happen!"

BUT.

I love to live in denial.

At the end of the day,
I gotta learn how to let go and I have to realize that he's not going forever, he'll come back soon. :)

It has been a rough week yeah, but a tougher year will be coming around.
Remember to keep to your own dreams.
It's all up to myself. To be or not to be.
I'm not going to stop thinking, and from now on, I will think what I wanna think and if it hurts me, so be it.
Life gives you a reason to be who you are.

Hold yourself together! 

Number One.

2011.

Saturday.

8th Jan.

First week of the year.

3.36AM

Of all the things I believed in,

I just want to get it over with.

This is by far, the worst week of the year. I didn't see all this coming at all. 

First week of the year and I'm already so tied up with school work, partially is because I wasn't diligent enough to finish my assignments before the school started but I can't rant about the past, time waits for no man.

This one week has made me learned a lot about myself this very year. So many things are coming up. 

Can I cope up with myself? I can't follow the pace, I'll have to keep running faster.

Now that I realized, everything is gonna change and forever is a lie. Nonetheless, I can't quit dreaming. It's too good. It's the best of everything. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. In a place that no one can find, I want to go there and make everything go away. Can someone help me out of this inevitable dream? I need to get real. Sometimes, I can take these shits and sometimes, I just give up. When I give up, everything seems so much harder. My Lord, can you listen to the prayer? Please guide me, anywhere because everything inside me screams and I can't take that voice out. It's gonna haunt me for long. Really long. 

Worst Case Scenario,

I have a friend. A really good one. A best friend indeed. He is leaving soon in one more month, but in a blink of an eye, he'll be gone. Everything will change, a lot will. I can't foresee those days, it's too horrible. In the end, I'm no one. I can do nothing about it. Guess I'll just have to wait. My brain tells me so but my heart thinks otherwise. All I can do is wish the best of things for him. I never liked departure, it sucks totally. Where is the "good" in goodbye? & he was the one I told many I would never fall for. They say, it's okay not to be okay.

FUCK YOU!

It was the hardest thing to listen to. 

Goodbye to you.

Just go and leave me alone.
It'll soon be gone.


“Yes I love him. I love him more than anything else in this world and there is nothing that I would like better than to hold on to him forever. But I know it's not for the best. So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let him go so he can know just how much I love him. Maybe if I'm lucky, he'll come back, but if not, I can make it through this.

Listening to (Jessie J - Who You Are). 

P/S: I know it ain't cool but I can't help myself anymore. 

”